Grieving the loss of a loved one is complex, and at the very least one of the most difficult emotions experienced in this life. As difficult as the loss may be, it is possible to move forward with hope. Moving forward doesn’t mean forgetting about the loved one. Enjoying life again doesn’t imply that the person is no longer missed. In order to manage grief when a loved one dies, one must understand the grieving process. According to psychiatrist Elisabeth Kübler-Ross there are five stages of grief:

• Denial: “This can’t be happening to me.”
• Anger: “Why is this happening? Who is to blame?”
• Bargaining: “Make this not happen, and in returnI will ____.”
• Depression: “I’m too sad to do anything.”
• Acceptance: “I’m at peace with what happened.”

Despite this model, everyone grieves a little differently. Emotions that have to do with loss are triggered throughout our lives. Usually they come in the form of anniversaries, such as the birthday or death of a loved one, a holiday or place that is memorable to you both. There is no certainty of what a person might feel when someone close passes away. The serious study of grief is only 30 years old, and during that time many misconceptions about grief have surfaced. After numerous studies, professionals can confidently say that just as people live their lives in vastly different ways, they cope with the death of others in disparate ways, too.

To Learn More:
http://www.focusonthefamily.com/

Organ and tissue donation is a choice that can be made before death by simply registering with the appropriate state agencies. States have adopted programs that specify donation on driver’s licenses. If a person plans on donating organs, this information is readily available, being that the driver’s license is one of the most prevalent forms of identification. For an example click hereIf the deceased has not pre-planned to donate, it is possible to donate post mortem, including full body donations to universities or research organizations.

Organs that can be donated include:

Heart, kidneys, pancreas, lungs, liver, intestines
Tissues that can be donated include:

Cornea, skin, heart valves, bone, blood vessels and connective tissue, ligaments, veins
Bone marrow/stem cells, umbilical cord blood, peripheral blood stem cells (PBSC) can also be donated

The time between death and donation is 4 to 36 hours for most organs and tissues. Surgery is scheduled as soon as possible. After donation, the body is released to a funeral home or family member. The approximate maximum time for harvesting the following organs/tissues is:

• Lung (4-6 hours)
• Heart (4-6 hours)
• Liver (24 hours)
• Pancreas (24 hours)
• Kidney (72 hours)
• Corneas (14 days)
• Bone (5 years)
• Skin (5 years)
• Heart valves (10 years)

All post mortem donations are free for the donor.

To Learn More:

https://www.organtransplants.org/
https://dcids.org
https://www.unos.org/
http://www.mtf.org/

The ultimate goal of estate planning can be determined by the specific goals of the client, and may be as simple or complex as needed.Everyone has an estate if they have belongings. An estate is comprised of everything owned – a car, home, other real estate, checking, savings accounts, life insurance, furniture and personal possessions. Estate planning ensures wishes are carried out concerning whom you want to receive something of yours, what you want them to receive and when you want them to receive it.

Good estate planning should:

• Include instructions for passing your values (religion, education, etc.) in addition to your valuables.
• Include instructions for your care if you become disabled before death.
• Name a guardian and an inheritance manager for minor children.
• Provide for family members with special needs without disrupting government benefits.
• Include life insurance to provide for your family at your death, disability income insurance to replace your income if you cannot work due to illness or injury, and long-term care insurance to help pay for your care in case of an extended illness or injury.
• Provide for the transfer of your business at your retirement, disability, or death.
• Minimize taxes, court costs, and unnecessary legal fees.
• Be an ongoing process, not a one-time event. Your plan should be reviewed and updated as situation changes over your lifetime.

Military Funeral Honors

The Department of Defense (DOD) is responsible for providing military funeral honors.

“Honoring Those Who Served” is the title of the DOD program for providing dignified military funeral honors to Veterans who have defended our nation.

Upon the family’s request, Public Law 106-65 requires that every eligible Veteran receive a military funeral honors ceremony, to include a minimum of a two-person uniformed detail to present the core elements of the funeral honors ceremony with one service member representing the veteran’s branch of service, folding and presenting the United States burial flag and the playing of Taps.
There is no cost for this service. However, the required documentation of DD 214 (discharge certificate) or NGB 22 or DA Form 55 is needed to prove eligibility of military service. Burials with military funeral honors can be conducted at national, veterans or private cemeteries.

Veteran’s Benefits

Burial in a National Cemetery

All Veterans are entitled to burial in a national cemetery found in 40 of the United States.

Burial benefits include a gravesite, opening and closing of the grave, perpetual care, government headstone or marker, a burial flag and a Presidential Memorial Certificate at no cost to the family. Some Veterans may also be eligible for Burial Allowances that is paid to survivors of the deceased. Cremated remains are buried or inurned in national cemeteries in the same manner and with the same honors as casketed remains.

Burial benefits available for spouses and dependents buried in a national cemetery include: burial with the Veteran, perpetual care, and the spouse or dependent’s name and date of birth and death will be inscribed on the Veteran’s headstone, at no cost to the family. Eligible spouses and dependents may be buried, even if they predecease the Veteran.

Burial in a Private Cemetery

Burial benefits available for Veterans buried in a private cemetery may include a government headstone, marker or medallion, a burial flag and a Presidential Memorial Certificate at no cost to the family. Some Veterans may also be eligible for Burial Allowances paid to survivors of the deceased. There are no benefits available for spouses and dependents of the Veteran buried in a private cemetery.

To learn more:

https://www.cem.va.gov/
https://DVNF.Org
https://militaryfuneralservices.com/funeral-directors/
https://www.veteransfuneralhomes.com/burial.php

A step by step guide of things to consider when someone close to you passes away

CALL 911

If there is an unexpected death in your home, dial 911 to report the death. If they have orders to not resuscitate (do not resuscitate order) or are unable to resuscitate, the EMT or Police or Medical Examiner will pronounce death. Note the time of death.

If the person dies at home under hospice care, call the hospice nurse, who can declare the death or call the attending physician if the deceased had been seen within 30 days before the death. Otherwise call non-emergency police to pronounce death.

The person declaring death fills out forms certifying the cause, time, and place of death. These steps will make it possible for an official death certificate to be prepared. This legal form is necessary for many reasons, including life insurance and financial and property issues.

Refer to Medical Directive if one exists.

Notify the person who is making the after-life decisions if this has been pre-arranged.

1. Decide on Organ and Tissue Donation

Because of the time sensitive nature of donating organs and tissues, the deceased’s wishes for donations should be one of the first things addressed. If the person’s wishes for organ donation are unknown, check the following places for clues:

Driver’s License
Family Member
Physician
Living Will
Advance Directives

To donate organs or tissues, Funeral Directors may put you in touch with facilities to direct the harvesting of organs or whole body donation. Also each state has a Medical Examiner or Coroner that can help. https://nationalregistry.fmcsa.dot.gov

2. Transporting the Body

Arrange for transportation of the body. If no autopsy is needed, the body can be picked up by a funeral home or crematorium. If the family would like to have “natural death care” or self-direct the care of their dead, it is possible in some states for the family to transport the body, when a burial transit permit is obtained. To find a list of Home Funeral Directors with information on state regulations, please visit http://www.homefuneralalliance.org

For Transportation of a body from state to state or out of the country, contact U.S. Department of State or U.S. Consulate http://www.state.gov

3. Whom should I notify of the death?

Spouse
Ex-spouse
Children
Siblings
Extended Family
Friends
Business associates
Organization associates
Military associates
Employer
Close friends

4. Will family or friends be traveling to your location for the service?

You may want to help with the arrangements of their stay by offering lodging with you or suggest hotels and car rental companies.

Are there dependents of the deceased? Do they need temporary care or day-care until permanent arrangements can be made to take care of them?

The home of the deceased
Consider:

collecting/stopping mail
watering plants
changing locks
notifying utility companies to disconnect services
This is the time in the process for organization of information and decision making by family and friends

5.Gather Deceased Information

If funeral pre-planning has not taken place in advance, the next steps will require gathering personal information. The following are immediate needed items to complete the death certificate:

Full name of deceased
Date of birth
Place of birth
Social Security Number
Occupation
Military service information
Death information, date and time
Father’s full name
Mother’s full name
Spouse’s full name
Final resting place (cemetery, crematory, other)

6. Death Certificate

The Funeral Home or Crematory usually take care of filing the Death Certificate Application. However, if you prefer to apply for the death certificate yourself, each state has a department of vital statistics where you can find the application. The death certificate is required in many instances for closing bank accounts, notifying credit card companies, settling debts, etc. Numerous copies should be printed.

7. Writing the Obituary

An obituary is basically a brief history of the deceased’s life. The obituary is a notice usually printed in newspapers, although this is changing due to technology. Many funeral homes currently post obituaries on their websites, informing the public of the death of a loved one. The basic information included in an obituary is:

The full name of the person who died, including maiden name or nickname
Date and location of death
Cause of death (optional)
Names of surviving family members (optional)
Details of the funeral or memorial service (public or private); if public, date, time, and location of service
Name of charity to which donations should be made
Date and place of birth, names of parents
Date and place of marriage, and name of spouse
Educational history, including schools attended and degrees or honors received
Military service, including any honors or awards received
Employment history, including positions held, awards received, or special achievements
Membership in organizations, including religious, cultural, civic, or fraternal
Special accomplishments
Hobbies and interests
Personality and character of the person who died

http://www.obituaryguide.com/
http://healgrief.org/

8. Viewing the Body

What is the difference between a wake, viewing and visitation?

During wakes and viewings, the body is present

During a visitation, the body might not be present and usually takes place at the family’s home, offering an opportunity for friends and family to spend time together before the service.

9. Funerals…things to consider

What is the difference between a Funeral Service and Memorial Service?

A funeral service refers to memorializing a deceased person with their body present

A memorial service refers to memorializing a deceased person with their cremated remains present.

Did the deceased serve in the armed forces? Do they qualify for a military service funeral?

Find out the details: www.military.com/benefits/burial-and…/military–funeral-honors.html

Location of the service

Which funeral home? crematory? Cemetery? Will the location offer convenience for those left behind?

A funeral service at Home, “natural death care” (contact a home funeral director) http://www.homefuneralalliance.org

A funeral service at home requires people to help with preserving and dressing the body. Is there sufficient help in order to have a home funeral?

Funeral Program

Who will officiate at the service?

Who will participate in the service? Friends? Family?

Will a eulogy or life sketch be delivered?

Who will be the Pall Bearers?

https://www.funerals.org/consumers
http://nextavenue.org/how-plan-funeral/

10 Burial or Cremation

Burial Options Include:

Direct Burial (body is taken from place of death to cemetery and buried in a simple container followed by a Memorial Service)

Funeral Service at funeral home followed by an in- ground burial in a lawn crypt

Funeral Service at a funeral home followed by an above ground burial in a community mausoleum

Funeral Service at a funeral home followed by an above ground burial in a private mausoleum

Funeral Service held at the gravesite at the cemetery (Graveside Service). A Graveside Service can follow a traditional funeral or can be a stand-alone event.

Green Burial in a green cemetery or natural burial (no embalming or grave vaults or grave liners, using natural containers) www.ourecovillage.com

Locate the closest green burial cemetery to see if the location is convenient

Burial at sea (military or private)

Was the person in the navy or was burial at sea a particular wish of the person?

Burial clothing

What clothes would the person want to be buried in?

Casket or green container

Would the deceased want to be buried in a traditional casket or something more ecological?

http://www.memorials.com/caskets.php,
http://www.aldergrovecaskets.com/

11. Cremation options include:

Consider the following

Decide if loved ones should or should not witness cremation

Direct Cremation (body is taken from place of death to crematory followed by a Memorial Service)

Memorial Service at a crematory followed by a graveside service held at the gravesite at the cemetery where the ashes are interred

Memorial Service held at the gravesite at the cemetery (Graveside Service) A Graveside Service can follow a traditional funeral or can be a stand-alone event.

Consider location of the service (which funeral home, crematory or cemetery)

Consider religious or non-religious

Cremation container

Urn

Scattering Tube

Will there be a scattering of ashes?

The ashes will be given to whom and will remain in whose possession?

12. Other options include:

Other options include everything from bio-cremation to mummification or a space burial. https://www.livescience.com

1.Flowers
What are the deceased person’s favorite flowers?
Consider donations in lieu of flowers (can be noted in the obituary)

2.Photographers/Videographers
Do we want the service photographed or videographed?

3.Music
Choose music that reflects the personality of the person
What songs or hymns were favorites?

4. Events
Gatherings before or after the service?
Who to invite?
Where?
Catered?
Decorations?
Do you want to have activities at the event?

13. Cemetery

Consider which type of burial, above ground or below ground, mausoleum

Funeral Directors will normally handle the burial permit or cremation permit

Choose a location in the cemetery that might have meaning for the person
Headstone
Choose a personalized headstone
Flat or upright
Slanted

After the Funeral

The following documents are essential in helping with the after death details. However, if these documents are not available, help from other family members will be needed to gather and finalize all things considered. Hiring a “Trust and Estate” attorney and/or realtor if real property exists, may be helpful.

Are any of the following end of life documents available?

14. Living Will

Did the deceased leave behind minor children or dependent adults? Did the will nominate a guardian? Was property left to them? Will they remain in the residence?

Make sure all personal belongings are distributed to those noted in the Will
Remaining belongings may be sold at an estate sale
Trust
Did the deceased name a trustee?
Power of Attorney
Who has Power of Attorney?
Medical Insurance Information
Cancel all insurance in writing and settle any outstanding debts
Retirement/Pension/401K Plan
Notify companies and make application for benefits
Prepaid Funeral Plan
How much if any has the Plan been paid for?
Life Insurance PlanCancel all life insurance in writing andmake application for claims benefit
Military Benefits
Apply for Veteran’s benefits www.dod.gov
Social Security
Make application for Social Security Benefits for any dependents www.ssa.gov
Income Taxes
Are income taxes current? Do they need to be filed?Property Taxes
Are the property taxes current?

Auto and Home Insurance

Notify insurance companies of death in writing. Request that Estate be added to the policy as “named insured”. If a vehicle is idle or sold, will you cancel the insurance? If yes, register the vehicle for “planned non-operation” with the DMV

15. Banking

Retitle bank accounts to “Estate Account”
Safe Deposit Box Information
Open the Safe Deposit Box to assess assets if any
Social Media Accounts
Close on-line accounts. Contact email providers
Important passwords to important information
Find passwords to pay outstanding bills
Notify creditors of the death in writing and negotiate closure of outstanding debt.

Real Estate Information

Did the person own or rent their residence?
Vacate premises
Terminate lease
Did the person bequeath their home and are beneficiaries interested in taking ownership?
Make a title search of all real estate
Appraise all real estate
If the home is being rented, decide if the renters will remain in the residence. Find lease agreement.
Is the real estate subject to federal estate tax?
Is it subject to state estate tax?
If selling inherited property, is it subject to capital gains tax?

16. Donations

Contact organizations noted by the deceased to whom he/she would like to donate money or other assets

17. Dispose of medicines

18. Send Thank You Notes

https://www.sevenponds.com