With the funeral industry pushing towards holistic and emotional care for those who are dying, new roles in death care are being introduced. One of these new roles is a death doula. Death doulas play an interesting part in the lives of those who are dying, as they provide important support in the transition between life and death. Similar to birth doulas, a death doula does not normally provide medical services, rather they administer physical, emotional, and spiritual support to those who are dying. Also, a death doula’s support extends beyond just the dying person, and they assist the families and loved ones of that dying person. For this reason, a doula can be a key determining factor in ensuring that someone has the most peaceful and fulfilling death as possible. A doula has the foundational belief that death is part of the journey of life and should not be a taboo topic that is avoided. Rather, they believe that when a death is inevitable, the person dying should come to terms with their death, have their wishes fulfilled, and die in a manner that is peaceful to them. In order to help families and a dying person embrace this inevitable part of life, a doula assists them in finding this sense of peace and fulfillment.
Often, a death doula will visit a dying person before their death in order to help them prepare and plan their wishes for their death. This includes listening to dying person’s wishes and creating a death plan with them. This death plan consists of life-support options, where they want to die, what and who they want with them when they die, and any special requests for their death. A death doula can also help them with their funeral planning, such as picking out their caskets, gravestones, and plot; planning the funeral services; and choosing burial or cremation plans. Planning these things with the dying person is seen as a fulfilling experience in which the dying person can come to terms with their death and create their end-of-life wishes. A death doula also helps the dying person complete a legacy project, or create artifacts that they want their family members to remember them by. This could be a memory book, video, audio recording, or collage—anything that the dying person wants passed down in the family. As plans often have to change while someone is dying, a death doula will either advocate for the dying person and their wishes, or they will help them come to terms with any necessary changes to their death plan.
While all of this planning and preparing can help the dying person feel peace during their death, one of the most important things that a death doula does is to spend time with the dying person. The doula will sit and listen to their thoughts, and they strive to supply comfort and advice to relieve any fears of the person. They also can provide services such as aromatherapy, massage, or guided meditation to help relieve any pain or help the person find peace. Many times, a death doula simply sits by the side of the dying person and holds their hand. This connection and support provides comfort to whoever dying, especially if they are alone. A death doula will typically be by the side of the person as they die, in order to offer optimal support and comfort. They know the importance of their presence during someone’s death. This role is regarded by many as a sacred and important part that someone can play in another person’s transition from life to death.
After death, a death doula continues to advocate for the wishes of the dead person. They will sit vigil with them, and teach the family how to clean and prepare the body for natural funerals. A death doula is often knowledgeable on how to conduct and prepare a family-led funeral, so they can provide advice and support for these types of services. A death doula also understands the ins and outs of the funeral industry, and can help the family navigate confusing after-death matters, such as obtaining a death certificate and estate planning. While a death doula does not have as much information on these topics as a funeral director will, they can still help the family contact the people who will put them on the right track to conclude all post-life matters. A death doula can also provide different support for the family, such as helping them clean their house, listening to their worries and fears, or cooking a meal for them. The doula tries to attend to all the needs that aren’t being met by hospice or medical staff. For this reason, a death doula can play a specifically important role for the family members of someone dying that cannot be met by other figures in the death industry.
However, a death doula’s main role is to provide support and care for those who are dying, or those who have a dying family member. This support comes in many different forms, and is tailored to fit each unique situation. A doula assesses the needs of those who are involved in a death experience and strives to ensure that all those needs are being met. A doula is empathetic and compassionate to those who are struggling during the difficult time of death, and they seek to ease burdens and alleviate fears. A death doula can be a pivotal figure in the lives of those who are dying, or have a loved one who is dying, because they provide physical, emotional, and spiritual support and compassion.
Blog Resources
https://www.aarp.org/caregiving/home-care/info-2018/end-of-life-doulas.html
https://www.doulagivers.com/positive-passings/death-doula/
https://www.healthline.com/health-news/how-death-doulas-can-help-people-at-the-end-of-their-life#1
https://www.verywellhealth.com/what-is-a-death-doula-1132512
https://www.huffpost.com/entry/end-of-life-doulas_n_591cbce2e4b03b485cae51c2